i'm sorry peeps i did something really weird to my lj and now its all screwed up :(
i'm not capable at css to make it right again,
so i'm thinking...
that maybe we should shift again!
maybe this time to wordpress!
heh.
deepest apologies.

:) :) :)

my dearest dearie came all the way from serangoon to bukit batok to pass me our anniversary card!
sweetest thing in the whole wide world!!!

gotta wake up at 8am tmr for our BATAM ANNIVERSARY GETAWAY!

love love love you boo :)

WOOTS WOOTS.
exams are overrrrrr!
but the days (and nights) are still as boring as ever.
somehow or another, my body has managed to immediately condition itself to sleep at 11pm and wake up at 10am.
i cannot get healthier sleep.
strange.
but yeah, somebody! please ask me out!
i. need. to. do. exciting. things.
before i head off for camp and cambodia :(
even though i really cant wait to leave for cambodia.
so much to catch up on life.
why is my life still so boring :( :( :(
need. exciting. friends.
i'd rather rob a store then sit around now :(
totally driving me crazy to be a cranky person when i'm not really angry, i'm just BORED. omg.
i cant emphasize that enough.
zzz.

^ look up, title=reliance, so obviously we're gonna talk about reliance today
and i cant stand the fact that a blog is kept secret so my entries are FREE FOR ALL
but of course, i wouldnt mind if you would like to donate, call me



so for the past week, i've been mugging my ass off for the finals that are in about 2 days
time to panic yet?!
been studying in school religiously everyday, for around 10-12 hours each time
though i really wont consider a week religious
but that's just besides the point

point is: ive been thinking of the people ive relied on so much my whole life

in lower secondary school days it was: drum rolls~
(i have kind of decided it to be shuuuus)
not in a good way actually
so of course, i wouldnt be afraid to say that we hated you shuuuuus, (but i dont hate you now! :D )
yeah so back on track, most of my motivation for mugging during sec 2 streaming was you
and i guess i did better than i would ever imagine
going into a school dumped filled with fucking smart and school rules abiding alecs
i prob would never have gotten an unbelievable 9th in the freaking level if not for hating shuuuus,
she was the ultimate motivation, haha
even though if i dint remb wrongly,
shuuuuus you were freaking like 3rd in level or something?!
so i dint beat her but i was pretty close,
close enough at least
prob the closest i would get all my life.

in upper sec school days,
it was annoying zhihong,
son of a b**** was fucking irritating,
competing with me for every fucking tutorial every fucking day
haha
kk that's too agro, on a nicer note,
he was just insanely hardworking,
forcing the lazy girl beside him who is perpetually sleeping to be hardworking too.
yes that's me zzz.
hey, you cant blame me for being agro towards him,
he did deprive me of sleep during classes,
nudging me up every 5 seconds cause if i slept,
he couldnt take the temptation
such a loser.
but yes, that was that, and i did well enough to get myself thrown into another school dumped filled with fucking smart and school rules abiding alecs
ok maybe not school rules abiding now.

but yes, onto hc and the horrible days of cushioning the class population for the lowest score
this time, shuuuus dint really work that well,
prob cause i love her now :)
but if without her,
i dare say about 3/4 of my lecture notes and tuts would be left empty
hence i could very well have ended up restarting my life in poly again
but nooooooo, look where i am now.
so thankew so much shuuuuus :) i love you :)
well of course, i did expect myself to do a lot better and at least get my little ass out of this stifled island,
but life had its own course for me.
so here i am now, studying what i wanted to, in a different place altogther but its good enough.

up till now, it wouldnt be hard to realise how i have relied on the people around me to survive in the swamps of life
for good or bad reasons, i did survive because of them
maybe not survive,
do well even.
and i was just thinking, what am i relying on now?

there's no one to motivate me by competition, by annoyingly completing his/her tuts.
cause I AM THE PERSON NOW.
i am the one who does the tutorials, studies hard and does well in exams.
but but but,
that is impossible?
no reliance now and i do just as well or better?
sometimes i like to credit the fact that the smarty pants out there have already been filtered out of the education system now.
getting their asses kicked in the uk, us or wherever else.
while i swim my days around nus,
(not that i can swim).

and in searching for someone to credit, i found patrick jacob dearie :)
when i'm back to my old lazy self,
rather sleep than study,
rather sleep than eat,
rather shop online than study,
rather shop online than eat,
there is always that one person to snap the laptop in my face,
call a dozen times,
drive around to deliver food to my door.

he might not have done better than me in exams,
might not have done all his tutorial or (any) of his tutorials,
attend any of his lectures.
but this time round,
i always feel obliged to study harder, put in the extra effort so that when he asks me a question,
i can help him answer it.
and in wanting to help him,
i seem to have helped myself a lot more.
and he asks the questions that i answer and
these are questions that i have never seen myself,
nor would have bothered to study if not for his questions.
so thankew patrick jacob dearie,
for probably being the last person i would rely on :)

and mind you, i did not intend this entry to lead up to merely crediting my bf.

oh dear there's so much i need to do!
so much to look forward to after this horrible horrible slump of studying days after days and nights after nights
so need to get a freaking life

i would say more shopping, but i guess i have already spent my fortune online this week
so yeah slash that
but cambodia!!!!!
back to the life of rotting around
bring on the slow mo baby
i know cambodia doesnt sound all that exciting,
but kids! teaching english! pub street! and happy pizza! sounds good enough for me

so study harddddddddd and play hardddddddd (in 2 weeks!)
till then
ta.

I DEMAND A POSTEXAMS DRINKING PARTAYYYYYYYYY.
RAWRS.
SOMEONE PLS DONATE HOUSE TO ME.
ANYONE?

Poll #1633506 WE'LL HAVE A DRINKING PARTAY
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

get high

have been thinking about my future cafe - it has four walls and beautiful colours now, and a nice wooden signboard. almost poignant. phyllis there looks exhausted. perhaps from the years of saving up to finally live her dream. next time i think about it i hope there will be people too.

i've been doing up banking essay. slowly, painfully but surely. for my poor head's sake i try to do in the nights, before the day weighs in. most days now i just sleep in the days and work in the nights, wait for the sun to rise and then almost on cue release the most grudging sigh. i drag myself away from work and head to bed. when its bright, most start their days, and i think there can not possibly be an unhappier person in these parts, at this time.

this is why i look forward to the night. mornings are a drag, afternoons in bed. at night no one can touch me. nights have so much potential. sometimes i feel like punching the night and imagine the sky is a huge piñata and the stars are confetti and one day they will fall like wishes. one day also rainbows will be bridges and when it snows we will walk across it to where the love lasts forever.

ah its been long. a properly dreamy blogspot.
check.